April 11, 2011

The Natural Dating Game

 (Pic from last summer)

“They act like they’ve never seen a black girl with natural hair before.”

That was the reaction my cousin had after seeing different guys reaction to me. It was our first time bar hopping together so what she took by surprise, I was very use to. I was now immune to the looks and urges they had to touch my hair, well maybe not the hair touching, that's still annoying. That incident inspired me to write about my experience when it comes to men and natural hair.

Last summer I freshly entered the bar scene after I turned twenty one. I also entered the summer with a new “do”. I had just cut my hair in May and was rocking a mini fro. I instantly noticed a drastic change in the type of men I attracted. That change was apparent when a brown eyed brunette guy approached me one night at a get together.

“Your hair is really cool.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle and of course thank him. I have always gotten looks from men of other races but never approached. Being the girl that use to have Justin Timberlake and Leonardo Dicaprio plastered all over my wall, trust me I wasn’t bothered in any way with other races new found interest in me. That guy was just the beginning.

Since being natural I’ve mainly been hit on by white men. Black men, not so much. Before I go any further I go to school in a small town, so this is my experience of being natural and dating in the corn fields. I’m sure if I stayed in the city I grew up in, Chicago; it would be different, maybe. Majority of the reactions I have gotten from black men here have been negative. I was once even told that I needed a perm. I’ll admit it confuses me and it stings a bit. One would think they would be more open to embracing my hair than any other race. Simply because this is what their mothers, sisters, aunts and cousins would look like if they chose to stop perming their hair.

Maybe it’s because of issues within our race or maybe if my hair texture was finer, thinner, they would embrace it more. Those kinds of things run through my head a lot. To give them credit I was recently approached by a black guy. Shocked wouldn’t do justice to how I felt. My hair didn’t come up which is essentially a good thing. But he ended up being really weird, so yeah, that didn’t work out. I do remember a conversation via twitter I had with Joshua of street etiquette awhile ago. He said he loved seeing a woman with natural hair and red lips. He put a big smile on my face that day.

Whether the guy is white, black, yellow or orange I always live by if you don’t want me, I don’t want you. If a man lets my hair stop him from getting to know the woman underneath it, then that’s not the guy for me. To even the playing field I do have doubts when it comes to the white men that approach me. Are they really into me or is it for the thrill of being with a black girl, with a fro? The fact that I’m still single should answer that. It will be interesting to see where my love life goes as my fro grows.


  1. love your blog and the photos! NOW FOLLOWING.

  2. I completely feel yoy there, i recently did my own experiment with that. I have long, lovely dreadlocks, but decided to put a weave on and the guys just flocked. Im in Africa and some guys here love to go on about "we want natural women, blah blah" but the truth is- black man like soft, synthetic fibre/brazillian- whatever.

    I wont discredit all black guys though, i did have a boyfriend for half my dreadlock life..

    I agree with the end though- if he 's going to judge u based on your hair thenhe doesnt deserve to know who is under the hair!

  3. I LOVE YOUR HAIR! Its the same thing all over the world, black men talk a good talk about wanting a "sister" but in reality they want the woman that looks closer to beyonce! we've been taught to not like ourselves in our natural state! its a shame that should never be an issue, we have a long way to go as a people! you keep working that fro, it looks good! x

    from weave-alicious Cherry Vidal lol

  4. Just found your blog and love this posts. I am engaged to a white man and he LOVES my natural hair. He doesn't understand why I choose to wear weaves. As he has explained to me, he loves me for me and that includes my natural hair and all.

  5. Lol, funny post..But true. Men of other nationalities LOVE my hair...black me do too, but less :(

  6. this is a very lovely post..
    black guys are constantly yapping about girls being too fake
    and always cussing weaves but when a girl goes natural they get scared...
    you are write it is in our society
    for year we have been thought that long fine straight hair (caucasian) is the best hair.
    beauty products for black women are always influencing us to perm our hair, black women in the media have embraced this new type of her
    our men are not exposed to what is real, so when they see it, they run

    lovely blog.. i'm definitely following
    come check mine out


  7. @Shabby thanks so much!

    @SIS it's interesting to see how hair changes ones interest in you. and alot of guys do talk about wanting someone real and natural but end up being with the complete opposite.

    @Cherry lol thanks so much and all of that is so true! We all aren't Beyonce but we are beautiful in our own way.

    @BleedPink That's is a beautiful thing to have someone like that. It's interesting because the white men and some white women i've come in contact with really do love natural hair.

    @abbie yeah some black men like it but alot are reluctant to give it a chance its so weird to me.

    @MsNana you're so right! it really confuses me but hopefully more women who are natural get exposure to help show how beautiful natural women are as well.Thanks so much for following!

    Thanks ladies for the comments means a lot!

  8. I just found your blog! I am so in love with your hair, I have major Hair envy! Anyways I am a few months into transitioning. I am getting a little discouraged and don't know if I will have the will power to stay off the creamy crack.